Today, a client told me that the bank called to talk to her husband. When she asked why they were calling, she found out it was a question about her business account, not his. When she asked why they wanted to talk to her husband instead of her, she found out that they had him listed as “CEO/President” - which he was, but for a different company, and they had her listed as HW, which apparently stands for “housewife”, although she was the owner of the business.
“I can’t get rid of the comparisons. They’re always there,” she said. She took time off to raise kids, and he plowed ahead with his career. So naturally, who has more career development at this stage?
If you are an ambitious individual, the urge to measure your own success against your partner’s is hard to resist if he or she is doing better than you. But ultimately, it’s a focus in the wrong direction. Here are a few tips on transcending the comparison game.
1. His career is not the point. Your focus, your ambition, your goals, are the point.
What if you weren’t in a relationship with this person? Would he still be someone you would compare yourself to? Significant others are an arbitrary measurement for how we’re doing. Use more relevant metrics to gauge your success. Where are you in terms of your projected goals? How is your satisfaction for what you’re doing today?
2. Even the best people in the world are still tripped up by stereotypes. Don’t read anymore into it than that.
Forgive the waitress who gives the check to your tough-luck brother, even though you’re the one who always pays when you have lunch together. People aren’t awake as they should be. So what. Lead by example.
3. Stay focused. Choose where to put your energy and thoughts.
You could probably come up with a number of unfair advantages your partner has over you in the business world. But is that really where you want to spend your time?
Your relationship is about collaboration, not competition. You’re there to support and receive support, not compare. If you find that you have a lot of energy lately that he or she is doing better than you in career endeavors, then you have issues to deal with but not with them. This person is your refuge, your energizer, your lover. Don’t make him or her a poster child for your insecurities about your own career.
