John Drury, a successful high achiever and now facilitator for groups such as YPO forums, Corporate Executive Teams, and Wilderness Expeditions, spent some time with me today talking about the importance of communication in a high achieving relationship. Honesty and self-awareness in his own marriage have cultivated excellent relationship advice for entrepreneurs and other ambitious high achievers.
“When I talk to my wife about a new venture,” Drury says, “I’m good at manipulating it to make it sound like the extra time I’ll be spending away from her will be temporary, that it’s not going to be bad, when it really is. I’ll say, ‘Once I hire this person, it will slow down.’ But it never does.
“So when I go into ’start-up mode’ like I am right now, I recognize that what I’m getting into is my choice. That helps me not make excuses or rationalizations, and it helps me own the fact that this is going to happen.
“Then my wife and I can have a real conversation around what kind of time we will be spending together. It keeps me honest about the need to draw clear boundaries at work to honor my commitments to her. Her part is not to stuff her feelings if she feels like I’m not honoring those commitments.”
A lot of the difficulties I see in relationships have to do with two people who have never clearly discussed what they are committing to each other, or what their expectations are from each other. Often, the anger is more around not being trusted to handle difficulty more than being upset about the information itself. I highly recommend replacing caretaking with collaborating. Give your partner a chance to be a grown up. Not sure how to approach the conversation? Call me.
Learn more about John Drury’s facilitating work (and his remarkable art) at his website, FullyAlive360.com.
