If he is, you are probably noticing that his company may only be concerned with how his life will be affected by this milestone event. I’ve had clients tell me that their husbands’ companies set him up with retirement coaches, therapists, financial planners, and even fitness/nutrition experts, but no one offered guidance or support for what was about to happen to her.
I’ve also heard more than once from a high achieving spouse that the year after their husband retired was the most stressful year of their marriage, and that they barely made it through without divorcing. Consider how a high achieving career sets up this disaster:
1. He has worked 80 hours a week for years, or has spent so much time in the corporate jet flying all over the world, that his best - and often only- real friend is you.
2. His identity is completely attached to his career, and when that’s gone, he’ll start a Venture Capital group, or join one with other displaced retirees, but he’s out of the game now and has no compelling value in the marketplace. That value is what he’s been basing his own self-worth on for years.
3. He may have been sick of it and he may long to play golf, but he will struggle with how to replace the drive that was provided by his career. Once he’s no longer urgently needed, why get up in the morning?
You, on the other hand, might have complained about his absence during the years your children were around, but now that you’re free to do your own thing, his sudden change in purpose and schedule is going to turn your world upside down. Consider the following:
1. Have you been thinking about or have you already started a new business venture or college degree now that the kids are gone? What happens to your own career when he wants to take off and see the world?
2. Are you used to setting your own schedule? Now that he’s home, he’ll want to be included more than before. If he has no idea what to do with himself, or has lost most of his social connections over the years, he may rely on you more than ever to help him fill his days.
3. Unless you’ve both been crystal clear about your “support” activities in your relationship, he may turn to you for fulfilling those administrative duties that a company admin once performed. Are you prepared to set boundaries - daily, if necessary - without conflict until the two of you figure this out?
Navigating this transition can be difficult, but it can be fatal if good communication skills and clear thinking aren’t incorporated into the mix. Contact Carol to set up a consultation call.
