Treated Like an Employee - Day Three

Randi and Steve spent the next session discussing three critical issues in their lives.

1. They’d become dependent on outside sources to tell them how to live - the media, the slick marketing of businesses catering to status conscious individuals, and a life too full of distractions to realize that it had been a long time since they’d stopped and discussed where they were going in their lives.

2. Their communication skills hadn’t kept up with the increasing complexity of their lives. When Randi and Steve first married, their life together was much simpler than it is today. They’d accepted all sorts of changes without really discussing them - more possessions that had to be maintained and managed, a busier travel schedule, and other choices and options that money created which might have had a smaller return on human investment than they realized.

3. For Randi, the biggest issue is that she had always been taught to be agreeable to others, although when she felt the weight of that burden, Steve would be the first to tell you that she was anything but agreeable.

With good support and not a small amount of humor, Randi challenged the opinion she carried which said that, unless she was making everyone else happy by saying “yes” all the time, she was not as nice as she should be.

Randi spent the next few months reframing her reactions of guilt and fear to arrive at a place where she could confidently and calmly say “no.” It took time for her to get to that place in the moment, but after some successful experiences, the momentum carried her forward.

The real treat was seeing Randi get excited as she developed her own identity and life plan to where she had good reasons to create boundaries around what she would and wouldn’t do for others. Once she had a clear idea of who she was and what she wanted to explore and express in her own life, her choices became more consistent. It was only a matter of time before she and Steve were able to become more aware of what they expected from one another. When that occurred, the resentment and misunderstandings between them shifted into a more intimate, more honest relationship.